I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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