Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
