I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
