i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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