Im at strip club and am horny
no, he came in my armpit
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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