Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
