what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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