So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
