yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
