I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
