Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
