dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
