if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
