she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
