I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
