the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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