my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
