She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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