It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
