I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
