I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
