He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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