she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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