So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
