It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
