Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
