do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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