So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
