Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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