We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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