I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
