So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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