it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
