he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
