Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
