I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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