I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
