matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
