Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
