I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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