My Higher Power is John Stamos
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
