Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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