Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
