Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
