the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
