he thought i was a dude.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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