she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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