i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
the liver wants what the liver wants
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize
