No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
