I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
