Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
