you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
