oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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