I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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