no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
