Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
