a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
